Membrane Pain

Unfocused
Blurring of the vision
I cannot see
My future
& I try not to care.

Why must everything be black & white?
Why must I plan?
Why must I try?
Always, struggling
Fighting myself.
Why can't I just do?

At crossroads.
I don't know what is next.
I am rebelling
Against my domestic veins.
My wings strapped tight
Chaffing
Flesh ripping & bleeding
Under bindings
Wrapping body & mind & soul

I am a prisoner behind the bars
Of my teeth
Chained to the back
Of my skull
Pulling at the membrane
Trying to make room
For this big thing I feel.

Simple & complex
Complex & simple
They are different
& the same
Simultaneously
They are funny & serious
Hot & cold
Long & short
Existential & real
Real
Real REal
Reality...
What the fuck is reality?

We are losing ourselves
Our world
To a bank of illusions
Holograms
A belief system.
Currency...
Is it synonymous to God?
Individuality...
Are we becoming one destructive voice?
Difference...
What happened to diversity?

Or am I just in the wrong part of the world?