The sun shines here for clarity.
I must be having an emergency.
My heart is pounding with this urgency.
I want to trek back to that amorous time
That sparks magic everywhere
Sparks that sizzle your arm hair
& singe your most passionate capillaries
So that your vision blurs farsighted
& you are eventually spent & spoiled
& it's time to get back to that place from whence
You came & saw & conquered nothing.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
11.5.08
Here kitty kitty
We found another one to help fuck you up
Another heartbreaker
To tear your world apart
It's a classic of the new age
Of chivalry long lost save for the last ones
Eventually I will have exhausted myself
with gluing broken glasses
Veins pumping the shards to my heart
Bleed you out, bleed you out
Purgation of old habits living easy,
Preying on scorching passion imagery
Imagery - Energy - Imagery
the allure of the heartbreaker
Who hurts everyone who gets too close
With blindfolds & earplugs
So no one can see him cry.
Because you do cry, boy.
Don't fucking lie.
You do cry.
Baby.
Because I held your head to my chest
And I felt your eyes flinch & your shoulders cringe
When I kissed your face & you said
"You scare me."
But only because you know I could love you
& that scares you
but of course it scares me too.
& I don't think I could love you the way you need me to
Because I'm scared I will leave you.
We found another one to help fuck you up
Another heartbreaker
To tear your world apart
It's a classic of the new age
Of chivalry long lost save for the last ones
Eventually I will have exhausted myself
with gluing broken glasses
Veins pumping the shards to my heart
Bleed you out, bleed you out
Purgation of old habits living easy,
Preying on scorching passion imagery
Imagery - Energy - Imagery
the allure of the heartbreaker
Who hurts everyone who gets too close
With blindfolds & earplugs
So no one can see him cry.
Because you do cry, boy.
Don't fucking lie.
You do cry.
Baby.
Because I held your head to my chest
And I felt your eyes flinch & your shoulders cringe
When I kissed your face & you said
"You scare me."
But only because you know I could love you
& that scares you
but of course it scares me too.
& I don't think I could love you the way you need me to
Because I'm scared I will leave you.
Monday, September 8, 2008
9.8.08
Losing sleep again
With these lines coming in
My words craving some place to go.
The streets at my feet
& my feet's got the beat
& the beat's got my toes in a flow.
My heart is exploding, imploding, morse coding
To my brain & my brain is trying to sort through
The madness. A massive influx of inspiration
Unfolding like a giant hall rug & I'm chasing it
Down & it's rolling so fast that my breath catches
In my chest. Pain springs up my knees & my eyes are
Vibrating & my fingers can't move fast enough.
& where do I go with this spinning
& where do I go with this meaning
& where do I go with this cavalcade of "Oh my god!"
& "I figured it out!" & I'm up until 5AM on a school night
Desperately pouring myself out, making a
Record of this portal.
The universe has got me, using me, speaking through
Me to relate to people who feel like they're newly
New. Freshly Fresh.
Opened & yearning for that moment when it all
Slows
Down and
*clicks*
Because it does click.
Eventually.
& those moments we live & die for
We wake up for & lose sleep for
Are multiplied & musical & every day is
Magical because really, if you aren't seeing
Something beautiful every day you're just not
Paying any attention.
Turn off your televisions & open your eyes!
Turn off the radios & open your ears!
Turn off your cell phones & wake up world!
Wake up to your dreams! Anything is possible,
Everything is beautiful, & forget those people who say
You can't follow your dreams
Forget those people who say you can't gain the means
To be green & serene & make a change to this
Suffering planet! Open your minds & share! Open
Your hearts & love your neighbor & compliment a
Stranger. Cause a smile goes a long way in the day
Of a man with a bad back.
Or a woman catching mad slack for staying
With that guy who treats her so bad. & maybe you're
Not changing the world on a mass scale but you're
Making a difference in one person's life for one day.
& your love will be repaid. This world is suffering
From a lack of love & we have the freedom to give it,
So don't keep it in, share it! If you want to see a change,
BE IT!
With these lines coming in
My words craving some place to go.
The streets at my feet
& my feet's got the beat
& the beat's got my toes in a flow.
My heart is exploding, imploding, morse coding
To my brain & my brain is trying to sort through
The madness. A massive influx of inspiration
Unfolding like a giant hall rug & I'm chasing it
Down & it's rolling so fast that my breath catches
In my chest. Pain springs up my knees & my eyes are
Vibrating & my fingers can't move fast enough.
& where do I go with this spinning
& where do I go with this meaning
& where do I go with this cavalcade of "Oh my god!"
& "I figured it out!" & I'm up until 5AM on a school night
Desperately pouring myself out, making a
Record of this portal.
The universe has got me, using me, speaking through
Me to relate to people who feel like they're newly
New. Freshly Fresh.
Opened & yearning for that moment when it all
Slows
Down and
*clicks*
Because it does click.
Eventually.
& those moments we live & die for
We wake up for & lose sleep for
Are multiplied & musical & every day is
Magical because really, if you aren't seeing
Something beautiful every day you're just not
Paying any attention.
Turn off your televisions & open your eyes!
Turn off the radios & open your ears!
Turn off your cell phones & wake up world!
Wake up to your dreams! Anything is possible,
Everything is beautiful, & forget those people who say
You can't follow your dreams
Forget those people who say you can't gain the means
To be green & serene & make a change to this
Suffering planet! Open your minds & share! Open
Your hearts & love your neighbor & compliment a
Stranger. Cause a smile goes a long way in the day
Of a man with a bad back.
Or a woman catching mad slack for staying
With that guy who treats her so bad. & maybe you're
Not changing the world on a mass scale but you're
Making a difference in one person's life for one day.
& your love will be repaid. This world is suffering
From a lack of love & we have the freedom to give it,
So don't keep it in, share it! If you want to see a change,
BE IT!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
9.3.08
Eyelashes brushing lenses in protection from the
Soft cold wisps of windy wind & snowy, tiny snowy
Patterns drifting to live in the air & die on
His lenses. A water spot is there & you wipe
Wipe it away. Those long lashes tempting
Snowflakes from the sit to stick & live in your vision.
Your lick chapped lips sling when you smile & your
Morning coffee scents your breath, but I love it
In your kiss. Morning breath you bury in your
Scarf but I insist to mint down with my warm
Tongue. Your self consciousness is endearing in this
Way & when you split those chaffing lips in a grin
You show your imperfect teeth, some parts whiter than
Others, but there & spotted; so uniquely you.
& it's so simple the way you bury them in your
Scarf & you don't realize how beautiful these
Things are to me. "I love your warts" I say &
"My warts are ugly" you say. But they are yours &
Part of you & makes you unlike every face I see &
So I love them. I love those too long eyelashes & your
Bad breath & spotty teeth & chapped lips & awkward toes.
Because they are you.
Soft cold wisps of windy wind & snowy, tiny snowy
Patterns drifting to live in the air & die on
His lenses. A water spot is there & you wipe
Wipe it away. Those long lashes tempting
Snowflakes from the sit to stick & live in your vision.
Your lick chapped lips sling when you smile & your
Morning coffee scents your breath, but I love it
In your kiss. Morning breath you bury in your
Scarf but I insist to mint down with my warm
Tongue. Your self consciousness is endearing in this
Way & when you split those chaffing lips in a grin
You show your imperfect teeth, some parts whiter than
Others, but there & spotted; so uniquely you.
& it's so simple the way you bury them in your
Scarf & you don't realize how beautiful these
Things are to me. "I love your warts" I say &
"My warts are ugly" you say. But they are yours &
Part of you & makes you unlike every face I see &
So I love them. I love those too long eyelashes & your
Bad breath & spotty teeth & chapped lips & awkward toes.
Because they are you.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
7.23.08
Up down left right
Do what it takes to make it right
Eyes ears mouth nose
Make some sense out of my prose
One Two Three Four
Your shirt's still hanging by my door
Earth water wind fire
Cease to be what I desire
Do what it takes to make it right
Eyes ears mouth nose
Make some sense out of my prose
One Two Three Four
Your shirt's still hanging by my door
Earth water wind fire
Cease to be what I desire
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
12.12.07
It breaks, my heart.
No one to hold my wind beaten
Fingers between theirs.
Another one of those tired nights.
Why doesn't anything real ever happen
To me?
I dream & write & talk to others about
Their problems, but I have no
Suffering for myself.
Those nights are hard sometimes
My body shakes.
My eyes tremble.
I want to drive or walk.
Smoke.
Something.
That might provoke the feelings
To quench themselves against my
Always smiling face.
It would be helpful to think that maybe
There is a real reason why my
Fingers are weak against the pen
& I want to curl inside myself.
The boys are everywhere.
All with names & faces & bodies
To speak & feel & touch
But all carrying with them
Emptiness; pretty boxes.
The truth of the matter is
Al the end of the day
I am alone.
I am different, alien, estranged.
I am broken into so many pieces
& I can't figure out how I became
So disassembled.
Feeling so much burns my bones.
Sears my marrow
Serves my fried nerves up to
Petty sorrow.
I don't know what I need to
Feel better but I am so
Drained & desperate for a break
From reality.
That must be why I want all
Those boys.
They are my drug.
I can have them for a few
Hours
Get off
Then buy more later
FUCK!
I WANT TO BLEED.
and I'm skipping class tomorrow.
No one to hold my wind beaten
Fingers between theirs.
Another one of those tired nights.
Why doesn't anything real ever happen
To me?
I dream & write & talk to others about
Their problems, but I have no
Suffering for myself.
Those nights are hard sometimes
My body shakes.
My eyes tremble.
I want to drive or walk.
Smoke.
Something.
That might provoke the feelings
To quench themselves against my
Always smiling face.
It would be helpful to think that maybe
There is a real reason why my
Fingers are weak against the pen
& I want to curl inside myself.
The boys are everywhere.
All with names & faces & bodies
To speak & feel & touch
But all carrying with them
Emptiness; pretty boxes.
The truth of the matter is
Al the end of the day
I am alone.
I am different, alien, estranged.
I am broken into so many pieces
& I can't figure out how I became
So disassembled.
Feeling so much burns my bones.
Sears my marrow
Serves my fried nerves up to
Petty sorrow.
I don't know what I need to
Feel better but I am so
Drained & desperate for a break
From reality.
That must be why I want all
Those boys.
They are my drug.
I can have them for a few
Hours
Get off
Then buy more later
FUCK!
I WANT TO BLEED.
and I'm skipping class tomorrow.
Monday, October 29, 2007
10.29.07
An explanation of my promiscuity.
There is no promise of continuity.
I get to feel hands & teeth
& nails scratching down my body.
I'm required to give nothing back.
But after a while, energy loses tack.
My emotions nauseate the deepest
pits & bile & gall prepare to attack.
Savage raw tears begin to flow.
The hole in my heart begins to grow.
A void that splits & tears
Invoking bruises that break with every blow.
Shove your fingers into my hair
& pull the strands attached there.
The dark dyed pieces will
Fall, leaving a small spot on my head bare.
My teeth will be the next to go.
I'll reach inside to grab & throw
My loosened molars out from raw
Gums & give them to my grave to sow.
My toes will grow inside my feet.
Inverted to stumps & completely indiscreet
As walking is completely out of the
Question & must stagger down the street.
Dragging myself, scraping skin down to bone.
I'll look down to see that my own
Blood is making love to the pavement.
But the pain is numbed and I am so alone.
At last my eyes will fall out of my head.
No longer will I wait to have a soft bed
To capture & hold me & carry me
Off to soft pastures & brightness of dead.
***
Once upon a time, I was part of a slam group on campus that never really did much other than meet once a week and write a lot. I was always writing about "hippie shit" as the leader of the group would call it, and he wanted me to challenge myself by writing something dark, repulsive and showing some evidence of a rhyming scheme. This is the product.
There is no promise of continuity.
I get to feel hands & teeth
& nails scratching down my body.
I'm required to give nothing back.
But after a while, energy loses tack.
My emotions nauseate the deepest
pits & bile & gall prepare to attack.
Savage raw tears begin to flow.
The hole in my heart begins to grow.
A void that splits & tears
Invoking bruises that break with every blow.
Shove your fingers into my hair
& pull the strands attached there.
The dark dyed pieces will
Fall, leaving a small spot on my head bare.
My teeth will be the next to go.
I'll reach inside to grab & throw
My loosened molars out from raw
Gums & give them to my grave to sow.
My toes will grow inside my feet.
Inverted to stumps & completely indiscreet
As walking is completely out of the
Question & must stagger down the street.
Dragging myself, scraping skin down to bone.
I'll look down to see that my own
Blood is making love to the pavement.
But the pain is numbed and I am so alone.
At last my eyes will fall out of my head.
No longer will I wait to have a soft bed
To capture & hold me & carry me
Off to soft pastures & brightness of dead.
***
Once upon a time, I was part of a slam group on campus that never really did much other than meet once a week and write a lot. I was always writing about "hippie shit" as the leader of the group would call it, and he wanted me to challenge myself by writing something dark, repulsive and showing some evidence of a rhyming scheme. This is the product.
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