I don't know you anymore

Your face.
What does it look like now? That true gleam in your eye.
I saw it once. Then you hid it from me.
I saw it again. And you hid it again.
It's you who I saw. A real you I've only seen twice.
Two periods of time in which you placed your trust in me.
How long will you behave like a pendulum?

Memories I have of you and me.
Not youandme. YOU and ME.
A friendship I thought I had.
Then I thought I lost.
Again I thought I had.
Again I feel I've lost.

It's hard to care so fondly for
A creature who keeps shifting shapes.
A chameleon longing for an identity that
Allows him to blend in with the rest.

But you ARE different. And you can't handle it.
You can't accept nor embrace it. Anything that points you to the
Truth you push away. You like her because she makes you feel normal.
You resent me because I allow you, encourage you, to let it go and
Be different.

I am at my most content when you acknowledge me.
It affects me only because I can't handle your
Perputually shifting moods.
One minute, you're my friend and I feel I can't doubt that.
The next, you're a stranger to me, shutting me out.

I'm sorry if that kiss damaged us.
I'm sorry I overstayed my welcome.
I shouldn't have let my lonliness transform into
Impulse.
One gets the urge to cling to their friend's love when such love feels
Absent in a place one once called home.
Of course, you haven't left home so you
Cannot empathize.

I hate that you frustrate me.
I want to know where our friendship vanished to.
I wonder if it was friendship at all.
Was it an act? A lie? A fake?
I can't tell if you're for real or if you just desire to humor me.

Time time time. I consistently remind myself that these things take time.
But will it just be another cycle?
Another swing on the pendulum?
Will I feel elated by your kindness and faux friendship only to be
Let down when you get tired of me?
I am not a comfort piece you can pull off your shelf and fix up when
You need to feel better.
Neither is anyone else.

But of course
I'll be there when you call on me because
I am a true, caring individual.
But would you always be there for me?
No.
You have let me down before.

Who are you?
Why are you here?
What do you want?
What really makes you happy?

Don't offer your bed to me if you don't want to share your pillow.
I thought we had this understanding that it is all in the name of
Friendship.
These were understandings that didn't osmose.
Now I'm left here,
Questioning your motivation and your true feelings.

Why don't you tell me what's going on?
Or are you content with making me one of your many objects of
Annoyance and ridicule.
I poke fun with you, but I never thought I would become
The Ass.