Translucent

I'm broken. I don't know what I want.
I want him... then I want him & him & him... then I don't.
Then I want him to be as far away from me...
But then I want him...
Mouths & necks & teeth on skin/biting hips
Tracing thighs with fingertips...
Then I'm falling apart to numbers & names
& years that separate me from things beyond
My ability to control.

I don't know how to stop.

But he wants me & I melt again
Into his lap,
Fingernails on my hips,
In my hair,
I sink & stumble...
I can't stand on my own.
He validates my existance.

He is behind the bars of her.
She crowds him;
Occupies his eyes so he can't see me.
Really see me.

So I'm a happy image,
A cosmetic doll
Sprayed & painted & pushed up & nothing more
But for display.
I'm a happy drunk moment forgotten by morning.

Try me buttons everywhere but no one wants to take me home.

To keep forever & feed my intrigue
My brain that is so alone.

A weakening embraces evades
Curls my toes.

Just walk away. Leave it be.
She's there behind you
Watching you through walls & vines
& birds around my head
Inside my mind.
Attention sure...

This place I'm in is so alone.